Long time...No see...(Private, Karatsu)

Cyra stood outside Matts door. She was almost sweating, because she was certain he would be mad at her. She hadn't even talked to him over the last couple of months, avoiding him whenever she saw him. She'd skipped the few classes they had together. She felt stupid, ofcourse, but she really had needed to be alone. If she hadn't met Yuri, she probably would still be alone in her room.
She swallowed and knocked on the door. She backed away, and for one swift moment she thought of running away. She got a hold of herself and stood still, anxiously rubbing her hands against each other and looking straight down on the floor.

'Matt' hadn't been in his dorm. Lately he had found the indoors a bit too confining, so he often shrugged into a jacket of his and took a walk around campus, or even out of town, just something to take his mind off of how dull life was nowadays. The amount of friends he had seemed to diminish into zero (again) and buying crap for strangers, as nice as it was, simply wasn't what he felt like doing. The temperature was getting colder and colder as winter approached, meaning that 'Matt' was in much more risk of getting ill (he has a very weak immune system), but, again, he found the outdoors much better than the indoors.

On this walk, though, he realized that he should go back inside before his feet froze, as his toes were already numb. With a scarf huddled around his neck, he dipped his hands into his jacket pockets.

He turned the corner that led to the hall of his dorm room, glanced over the hall, then paused. He blinked. There was someone at his dorm room, obviously waiting. 'Matt' knew that, for a strange reason, strangers had a habit of turning up at his doorstep to make new friends, but he knew this person--he could recognize her a mile away, even with his horrible eyesight. There was no mistaking that hair.

"Cyra?" Her name just slipped out of his lips, like that, as he walked toward her.

God, was he supposed to treat her this way? The way she had treated him lately wasn't unnoticed; for some reason that he could only guess on, she had decided to avoid him--'Matt', being the weakling he was, decided to just stand aside and allow it to happen. How could he feel about it? Angry? Depressed? Truthfully, he had no idea, which is why when he tried to think of it before, he could only summon a rather blank feeling.

There could only be one reason why she was here now, though, right?

"Why're you here?" His voice only held the slightest hint of curiosity that could form a question, nothing more than that.

Cyra had almost given up on waiting. Either he wasn't home, or he didn't care answering the door. She was just about to leave when she heard his voice. She started and swirled around to confirm it, then quickly placed her gaze on the floor again. Her first reaction was to run away, but there would be no point to this if she did, now would there?

"I-I..." She could barely get the words out. She was too afraid that he would be mad at her. Tears were forming up in her eyes, but not leaving them. "I-I'm sorry... For acting the way I have!" She didn't know if he would get that, but that was about what she could get out at the moment. She didn't even dare to look up at him.

His dogtags let out a faint tinkly noise as he half-flinched to a stop at her sudden apology. Okay, yes, he expected her to at least explain her behavior, but to start off with an apology? Remember that this is Cyra.. he told himself, then nodded. Yeah, it'd be like her to just apologize right away, huh?

It just shows how long it has been since they had done anything together.

He took another few steps toward her until he was in front of her. She was having a staring contest with her feet, which didn't do any good for him. All he could tell was that Cyra was (as she usually is in emotional situations) extremely nervous. She probably had this nasty suspicion that she was in trouble (which he couldn't actually answer).

"Hey.." 'Matt' hesitated, willing himself to get the right words. "It's alright. I'm not mad at you, I never was either."

Well, at least that was the truth.

Cyra slowly looked up at Matt and stared into his eyes. "You're not? But I've been..." She paused and looked away. This was the reason she liked Matt. He didn't judge people like others did. He gave them a chance. And she needed chances. She figured that he would like an explanation though, so she cleared her throat to buy some time. She looked back into his eyes. "I've been really stupid. After that thing with Dante I just... snapped." She could feel the tears again. She had a heavy feeling in her chest. "I didn't want to talk to anyone. That's why I've been avoiding you."

"No," he simply answered with a small sigh. No, never angry. How could he feel angry at someone when he doesn't know anything? Yeah, that could be the reason why, but he had an assumption of what was bugging Cyra so much, and had guessed right.

"I understand, people tend to feel like that after they lose someone they love, or loved." 'Matt' looked rather weary as he said this, the smallest of frowns playing at his expression as he looked back at Cyra. He couldn't see the tears swarming in her eyes, but could hear it in her voice.

"Something changed your mind, though?"

Cyra nodded. "I realised that if I lost you too, I wouldn't have anyone. You're the best friend I ever had." She looked away when she said this, blushing like crazy. She didn't know if he felt the same, and she didn't really care. He was still her best friend, even if she wasn't his. The simple fact that she had been worrying over nothing proved to her that Matt wasn't like Dante. She would do her best not to forget that again.

She glanced back to his face to see his reactions, but she never rested her eyes on him. She didn't dare to yet, not more than she did before. She wondered if Matt would be happy with that explanation, or if he would want more. Either way, she would do as he wished.

'Matt's' visible eye widened a fraction at her last statement. She saw him as a best friend? He immdiately felt guilt--he knew that, as close as he was to her, he didn't see her as one. There were several reasons already, but.. She didn't even know his name. As if that was such a bad thing (after all, his American name was legally Matt), but he valued his Japanese name very much. It was his first first name, after all.

"But--what about Ema?" he said, almost blurted. He knew how hard it was to let go of someone who had used to be a best friend; he was far, very far from doing that himself and all too truthfully, he didn't want to. The thought of accepting that he was probably never going to see Takashi again hurt.

Cyra flinched when he mentioned Ema. The usual thoughts came into her mind. Why did she leave? Why didn't she tell her? Where were she now? Did she even care about Cyra?
She shook those thoughts out. "Ema isn't here, but you are." She shrugged, though it took a lot of effort to keep calm. "I can't wait for her all my life. I guess I have to try to let go..."

He knew that he had touched a nerve at the mention of Ema, something he didn't really mean to do, but he knew she had to realize just what she was saying when she said that she saw him as her best friend. Haru had said that already, and when was the last time he had seen him? 'Matt' didn't know how close 'best' friends were supposed to be; his only one left, and while they had been close when it lasted, he was gone now. The lingering childhood mindset of 'best friends forever' had never died out of his mind, and he wasn't sure whether to drop it or not and shatter those memories that gave him a little happiness. He hadn't been sure since starting middle school.

He had to admit, though, that his left hand had gone awfully cold during the years since then.

'Matt' barely knew what he was doing, but at her words he grasped her wrist, putting her into a hug with his arm. He knew how hard it must've been for her to say such a thing. ".. You're strong, Cyra," he finally said after a moment, still in the hug. "For that, and coming back.. Thanks."

He felt horrible that, at the most, all he could be was gratified. Couldn't say that he felt the same about her, nor that he had also gotten rid of his past troubles. He wasn't sure if he could ever say that in his life, ever. Memories were too prominent.

Cyra blushed when Matt pulled her into a hug. She flinched and stood still for a while before folding her own arms around him and returned the hug. She didn't know what this meant, but the moment she thought that Matt spoke.

Cyra could feel a sting in her heart as she realised that Matt wasn't feeling the same way about her. She had hoped that he would think the same of her, but that was probably too much to ask. Maybe she was just desperate, grasping at straws? No, that wasn't it. Matt had been there for her whenever she needed him. He had been there, while she hadn't done the same for him.

She pulled away from him and faked a smile. It hurt, but at least he still considered her a friend, right? He wouldn't bother otherwise, right?

Right?

The hug felt nice, comforting, but for he felt a weight sink onto him as he spoke, and could tell by the droop on the edges of his eyelids that it was going to be a melancholic day for him.

'Matt's' heart felt heavy when she pulled away, a rather downcast weariness settled onto his face, no fake smile playing at his lips as it usually did, though he noticed that there was one on Cyra's face. Yes, they were friends again, but by his lack of a real response there has bin a slight chink in it. Well, perhaps it was meant to be that way, at least for now; they surely couldn't have been the same as they were before, after more than a month of not even talking to each other, even if there had been no conflict between them before then.

He wondered what was to happen, though, now. Like, right now; the future he could worry about later. He had made things awkward (they were already awkward enough) and he had a feeling that Cyra didn't feel much better than she had before she first arrived. Her lack of words unsettled him.

"I..." He faltered, then looked down, like she had moments earlier. "... I'm sorry. I.. I'm just unused to all this." He didn't say what 'this' was. Even after so much time of getting multiple friends, he still wasn't used to them. 'Matt' had first asked himself "Was this normal?" but soon found out that no, it wasn't.

Cyra shook her head. She didn't understand why Matt was apologizing at all. "Don't be. It's my fault to begin with." This whole thing hadn't gone as she had expected. She had hoped for them to become friends again, but she had expecting them to go separate ways. While it now leaned on the first alternative, she wasn't sure where it all was going.

"I didn't mean to ruin your mood..." She started. She didn't seem to be doing anything right when it came to this, did she? She sighed and put on another smile, this time very obvious that it was a fake one. "Let's not rush things. We'll just take it as it comes, right?" She said, then turned around and started walking away. She didn't really know what to do, but she figured that she wouldn't bother Matt anymore today. She had dropped quite a bomb on him without thinking about it. Now he had to pay the consequences.

It wasn't Cyra's fault, he knew. No one could control their feelings; no one could control how they felt when something bad happened. Even if they control their actions, their emotions get in the way. Her emotions had done something good to her, it had brought her here, to rebuild their friendship. And he his own feelings made an obstacle in that.

"You didn't..." The words came out way too low, even below a whisper, and he knew that she couldn't hear them. His throat felt dry when she put on another fake smile. Take it as it comes? Isn't that what he's been doing his entire life? And, quite truthfully, he believe that was what led to all his personal disasters; doing nothing. The only thing that he had allowed himself to do was to suggest his new school, and that had brought him a sense of belonging.

No, he wasn't going to just let things build itself, or take things as they pass by. Life isn't a conveyer belt. If you just leave it alone, it'll fall apart.

He knew how hard it was to accept this sort of truth, as he never followed it, ever, but right now he knew he needed to do something.

"Wait." His voice came out clearly now, but despite his request he didn't go after her. He stood his ground, giving her the chance to continue walking, though he knew that she wouldn't.

"Will you go to the Christmas dance with me? As friends." The request, where did it come from? He had told himself that he wouldn't go to the dance, but didn't he also tell himself that if he went, he'd go with Cyra? And that was because... "You're the closest person I've ever had since my dad, and I don't want that to change."

'Matt's' gaze instinctively dropped downward at the mention of his dad, but he didn't do anything more, and just waited for her reply. He hoped that he wasn't forcing her into making a decision; that was the last thing that he wanted her to do.

Cyra stopped in her tracks as Matt told her to wait. She hadn't expected him to do that. In fact, she had expected him to let her leave. But still he told her to wait, and for some reason she couldn't refuse. She turned around again, looking at him with thousands of questions written all over her face.

A heavy blush found its way to her face as he asked her to go to the dance with him. She knew he meant as friends, but it was the first time anyone had asked her to do so. Not even those former boyfriends, who ended up using her, had ever asked her to join them on a party. She had been thinking of going to the dance with Dante, but that didn't really work out, obviously. So she hadn't even thought of going. And suddenly Matt asked her to go with him. Why would he ask her? Surely he had other friends, she was certain he knew a few girls. Why ask the clumsiest, dumbest, shortest girl at the school? She knew he could do better than her.

She opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something, but then she closed it again. She repeated these two steps numerous times, making her look like some kind of guppy. When she finally came to her senses it was to late to simply answer yes. It would just sound wrong.
"Are you sure? I mean, isn't it supposed to be for, you know, dates? Don't you have someone special to ask, instead of me?" She added with an insecure laugh. She could actually picture herself going to the dance with Matt, but she didn't want him to go with her because of pity.

"Definitely sure," he answered, the smallest of smiles playing on the edges of his lips to answer her question when he realized that she wasn't going to slap his proposal to the ground, even if she seemed to be in disbelief. Did she think that he was asking her because of pity?

"I don't have anyone, not right now. I've already been asked, actually, but I didn't know her enough to say yes." He frowned a bit at this memory, as he knew that he had really hurt Mikazuki by saying no, but he waved that memory off for now and looked at Cyra. "Though dances aren't really a matter of trust, you're the only one I trust enough to go with.

"Does that make sense?" he added the question afterward with a touch of concern. Once he thought over it, it really didn't, did it.

Cyra frowned as she thought about what he said. She wasn't exactly sure what he was trying to say to her. "No? Not really?" She said, allowing herself a true smile. That felt good. No, amazing. It didn't make the awkward feelings go away, but it helped. She sighed and crossed her arms.

"You know, after the whole thing with Dante I was going to skip the dance." She said with her eyes closed. She took a long pause, almost as if she had finished talking. In reality, she was thinking about what she would answer. Could a yes or no really be that hard? Apparently so.

After at least one minutes silence she finally continued. "But I guess I'll go, if it's with you." She said with a smile. Maybe she would have fun at the dance. After all, Matt would be there with her.

'Matt' felt reassured once she smiled; though he really hadn't been able to get his meaning across, he hoped that she had gotten the gist of it. He allowed himself to give a small smile in return, though that slipped off his face once she crossed his arms.

Ah. He should've guessed. He stayed silent as she suddenly stopped talking, right after mention her ex. Er.. What could this mean? He didn't have a single clue, only watched her a bit warily. Surely the conversation wasn't over, right?

A long, tense minute passed and she finally replied. He gave a little flinch, as the silence had pressed down on him uncomfortably, but a smile broke onto 'Matt's' face when he translated her reply in her brain.

"Thank you, Cyra," he said warmly. Happiness was apparent in his eye, and he actually allowed his smile to widen into a grin.

He was going to the party, something he told himself that he wouldn't. The change actually.. Wasn't that bad. He was usually so against small changes, but this wasn't bad at all. It was.. kind of good. He knew he'd have fun at the party, even if he'd see Mikazuki there. Now the only worry was to get ready for it...

...

".. Ah, crap, the party is tomorrow, isn't it?" he asked in realization.

Cyra couldn't help but to feel happy when Matt grinned like that. Yeah, if it was with Matt, it would be fun. That was almost written in stone.

"Is it?" She raced through her mental calendar. Crap, it was. What would she wear? She hadn't thought about going for even a second. She stressed through her wardrobe in her mind as she thought about which outfit would blend in best, but then she stopped. She wasn't trying to blend in any more. No, in this school she was trying to be herself. She would just pick out something that she thought looked nice. Yeah, that was a good idea.

"Oh, it is... I hadn't even been thinking about it." She said. Isolating herself for more than a month didn't really give her much passion thinking about how she wouldn't go to the dance, so she had just forgot.

"Should we meet up before?" She asked him, she really wasn't used to these kind of things.

'Matt' was thinking furiously, too. He knew that he could easily get a nice suit to come over, but what sort? Ah, his lack of vision wasn't going to help him, either. He also knew he had around half a dozen in his closet, so he could look through those, as well. Should he wear a simple black on or something different? Ach. Getting ready for these really were a pain, huh.

Oh well, he thought to himself. It'd still be fun, he knew, once he was actually there.

"Sure," he said, sensing that she was unsure. This was his first dance, too, though, so he allowed himself to desperately hope that they won't let lost beforehand. "We can meet up at the entrance?"

Cyra nodded to confirm it. She stood still for a moment, looking into Matts eye before realising what she did and blushed. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then!" She said and quickly turned around. She started playing with her thumbs as she went back to her room. For some reason she was nervous. Why was that? She didn't know, and she probably wouldn't figure it out either. But it was there, of that she was certain. What she was going to do about it was another problem.

'Matt' held her gaze quite steadily, blinking when she suddenly gave a start and left. Huh?

Oh, oh well. He had a dance to get ready for, anyway. He had a feeling that he knew what he was going to do about his hair, though he wasn't all too ready for it.

"Alright, see you," he said with a smile, watching her until she rounded the corner. He then entered his own dorm, almost anticipating tomorrow.

[Forum Closed 8P]